On a Night Like This


Photo: publicphoto.org

Photo: publicphoto.org

On a Night Like This

55 Words

On a night when the full

moon slices through cloud

cover, gilds maple leaves—

On a night when the breath

of wind whispers empty

promises, feigns delight, deceives—

On that night we stand in dark-

ness, waiting to dispel the chill

that came between us.

On a night like that, Sun

dawdles, lingers to the East.

Linked to dVerse Open Link Night–a delayed response to Sam’s prompt last Thursday for a 55 word poem. The extreme cold is nonfiction (-4 degrees F early morning) but the scenario is fiction. The pub opens in about 45 minutes. (12:00 PM EST) Come on in and warm up…or if you’re in the Southern Hemisphere, chill out! Poetry and community abounds.

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40 thoughts on “On a Night Like This

  1. Other Mary says:

    Ah – I love nights like this. Lovely Victoria.

  2. G-Man says:

    Oh My….
    All the accolades apply here Young Lady
    Powerfully Beautiful 55
    How wonderful that you’ve shared this with the Friday Funfest
    Thank you for visiting and please have a Kick Ass Week-End

  3. Raivenne says:

    When the coldness felt is more than the weather it is bracing. I hope the sun is enough to warm the coldness in them as well as around them. Excellent write

  4. deliciously done…If ever a way to make something not so pretty, beautiful.

  5. ramblingsfromamum says:

    as we all know – relationships can dwindle ~ arguments left unresolved ~ anger & disappointments ~ the chill in the air ~ you have describe it well ~ smiles.

  6. Nice. Reminds me of the line in Diamonds and Rust:
    “Our breath comes out white clouds
    Mingles and hangs in the air
    Speaking strictly for me
    We both could have died then and there.”
    All those winter rendezvous when a relationship hangs on a meeting in the cold. I imagine every person has a story and can relate. Made this very universal, Victoria as well as quite lovely.

  7. ayala says:

    Relationships can become like that when people take each other for granted. Beautiful poem.

  8. I believe every relationship requires seasons of quiet shoals of snow and fireside that keep us coming back ~ Your imagery conveyed life ~ Blessings Friend ~ Faithfully Debbie

  9. kaykuala says:

    Hoping for the change can be a long wait, both for the change in the cold weather and their coldness of relationships. Nicely Victoria!

    Hank

  10. You sure painted a wintry scape with your pen, there, Victoria. Wonderful imagery and metaphor ~peace, Jason

  11. wolfsrosebud says:

    nothing prettier than a winter sunset… beautiful verse

  12. hypercryptical says:

    Excellent write Victoria.
    Oh how the sun does dawdle on the seeming eternity of nights like this.
    My hubs has always been a great believer in ‘never let the sun set on your anger’ and for the most part we have stuck to this.
    Anna :o]

  13. “On a night when the full
    moon slices through cloud
    cover, guilds maple leaves—”

    You paint such dark and intriguing imagery with the first few lines that quickly draws one into this piece. Much captured in few words. Love the feel of this, Victoria!

  14. Brendan says:

    A perfect confluence human nature and nature, that winter night between two people and night and day. You worked the charm well winding it up thrice.

  15. ManicDdaily says:

    Hi Victoria, I especially like the moon description here, and the rhythmic flow. K.

  16. You’ve warmed me with your words. It is cold here too, but I suspect that we ain’t seen nuffin yet.

  17. Truedessa says:

    beautiful, I had to read it twice..

  18. Miss Hannah says:

    breath of wind whispers empty.. Love- Beautiful, chill of the night:)

  19. Jeff says:

    Dispel the chill? You are together. Does that help?
    I like ” . . . sun dawdles in the east . . ” so tis barely dawn? There is time a plenty.
    Cheers!

  20. Abhra Pal says:

    Poetry of eternity – beautiful.

  21. Susan Chast says:

    Well might the sun wait as far away as possible!

  22. Beautiful writing Victoria!

  23. Glenn Buttkus says:

    Wonderful full scenario, inclusive in 55 words; profound contrasts, deep implications. I enjoy writing 55′s, reminds me of Hemingway’s less-is-more philosophy–but I tend to be pedantic & long-winded, so I feel like I’m writing with one hand tied behind me; but you, on the other hand seem naturally comfortable in the tiny gaggle of words; cool.

  24. Beautifully pitched piece of writing Victoria – enjoyed it very much… With Best Wishes Scott http://www.scotthastie.com

  25. Mary says:

    Oh, the wording in this is beautiful, Victoria. Goes to show a person that one can craft magic in 55 words!

  26. MarinaSofia says:

    I love how the wind feigns delight; hope they find a way to overcome the chill.

  27. Mama Zen says:

    Beautiful crafted.

  28. Powerful verse. The chill in the environ and the chill of the relationship… very well crafted with some vivid imagery.
    -HA

  29. Brian Carlin says:

    Poor souls, waiting for the sun… Someone should tell them it never really goes away, even when they can no longer feel the heat

  30. Tony Maude says:

    I could feel the chill form here, both in the weather and in their relationship. Really enjoyed this, Victoria

  31. I am SO glad this is fiction! I’m in Wisconsin… nuff said there! The pairing of the winter’s chill to the chill of a cooled relationship, BRILL. Amy

  32. brian miller says:

    oy….and if meant to be hopefully they come back together…and they dont wait on the sun or some outside force to bring that warmth…hopefully…

  33. K. A. Brace says:

    Victoria, you did a wonderful poem within the context of the 55. Beautiful, poingant and sensual. >KB

  34. What strong poem on chill.. the cold weather.. the relationships – loved the alliterations here…

  35. Morgan says:

    This is truly Beautiful :)

  36. claudia says:

    ugh… relationships can become cold like that… good to know then how to re-kindle the fire…

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