Book Review: How Was I Supposed to Know? by Lorna Lee

I’m only an occasional book-reviewer, but it is my joy to present to you the memoir recently published by fellow Blogger, Lorna Lee.

Lorna Lee, Author

Lorna Lee, Author

A first take on this memoir may give the impression that it could be anyone’s story…or at least that of those of us who grew up in the 2nd half of the 20th Century. It is indeed an adventure (do you know anyone else who was struck twice by lightning?) and it evaluates the angst of coming-of-age with clarity and humor. Humor it is that makes Lorna Lee’s telling such a compelling read.

The author, who has a doctoral degree in sociology, sheds insight that enables readers of diverse backgrounds to identify and learn from the larger themes that she skillfully embeds in her telling of struggling with weight issues, alcoholism in her family of origins which poured into her own life at an early age, of allowing herself to become involved in relationships that kept her in a subservient role, of significant health challenges and eventually in her amazing rebirth as a woman of strength and self-nurture. Oh, and did I mention humor?

I wholeheartedly recommend “How Was I Supposed to Know?” both for its insights and the shear delight of a story well told.

book-cover

 

Very Little Gravitas Indeed

Farkleberries--yes, there is such a thing!

Farkleberries–yes, there is such a thing!

Fiddlehead ferns and farkleberries,
frolicking fun in dictionaries.
Farcical foodie festivity,
flagrantly fragrant felicity.

Rutabagas, rotund, rakish,
rollicking words like razorfish,
ravishing romance, ranuculi—
learn what they mean, or how to lie.

Artichokes, albacore, aperitifs.
Anisette, aubergine, tomato aspic,
Apple pan dowdy, ambrosia divine,
chill out and enjoy with a glass of fine wine.

If you’re a word addict such as I
finding new words gives you a high.
Webster invites you to grab his book.
Find something new—don’t be a schnook!

Written to NaPoWriMo’sDay 4’s prompt. I ran across the word farkleberries in the dictionary a while back and knew that someday I had to use it in a poem.
I’m getting a head start on dVerse Open Link Night. The bar opens Tuesday, 3:00 PM EST. Come by for a shot of poetry.

Where am I?

Here’s a wordless explanation of why I’m missing in action, for the most part:

So the devil greets a guy at the entrance to hell and offers him a choice:

 Burn for all eternity reads a sign on the door on the left.

Live in your house while it’s being remodeled announces the second.

The poor dude says: “It’s a crapshoot, don’t you think?”

Long on the Finish–Wordsmith Wednesday

Scaled-down example of a Rubens full-figured w...

Image via Wikipedia

Here’s my short story for Wordsmith Wednesday (see the previous post on my blog. It’s a bit adult-themed, so be advised.

Long on the Finish

2003 Jacque Shaque Bordeaux
Big, opulent. Spicy oak accenting cherry and chocolate. Long on the finish.

April turned to view her derriere. The mirror, framed in mahogany, showed smooth skin – a plump ripe pear ready for tasting. She ran her hands over sensuous curves, sending ripples of expectation up her inner thighs.

Clothing hung limply on padded hangers. She walked the length of her wardrobe and fingered textures of the garments before selecting a velour sheath: strapless, in dark burgundy. April lifted the fabric to her cheek, closed her eyes and inhaled lingering scents of Patou’s Joy blended with sweat. Perfect.

As she raised her arms to slide the dress over her ample frame, April imagined Alain’s gray eyes studying her bosom. She bent forward, grasped her breasts and hefted them into the DD cups of her bra, dabbed a drop of perfume in her cleavage and anticipated her date’s response.

Her date. Her best friend’s fiancé. A laugh erupted from deep inside.

April knew what she was doing. She’d set her goal and formulated a plan the very day she’d introduced Trish to Alain.

A memory snuck into her consciousness: Trish sitting beside her in the park, nibbling a tuna sandwich. “He’s huge, April. The best I’ve ever had.” Trish elaborated on the details as April looked into the waters of the pond at their feet, fingering pussy willows planted in the shallows. April’s pulse bounded. She flushed and returned to the present moment.

From her assortment of lipsticks, April selected Ripe Cherry and applied it to her full lips before slathering on gloss. She pouted then fastened long strands of dark hair atop her head. Wisps of curls framed her round face and trailed down her neck giving April a boudoir aura. Taking in the results, she nodded in approval. An objet d’art, Rubenesque, seductive. Altogether sexual.

She’d invited Alain the previous Friday, the night of the engagement soiree. “I know her better than anybody,” she’d claimed as Trish’s grandmother stood beside the future groom. “I’d be glad to give you a crash course: Patricia Anders, 101.”

He’d laughed. So had the grandmother.

“I’m serious. My house, Tuesday, six o’clock. I’ll cook.”

“Go for it,” Grandma told Alain. “April’s known Trish since they were five; she won’t hurt you.”

How little you know, Grandma.

April stood, smoothed her dress and took another twirl in the mirror. She exited her bedroom, leaving the door ajar to showcase the warm glow of dozens of candles.

In the kitchen, April stirred the sauce before opening the bottle of red she’d purchased for the occasion. She poured it into the long-stem decanter, allowing liquid to slip into the narrow opening, before puddling into the ovoid glass receptacle. She held it to the light and swirled it, noting rich tones of red-almost-black.

A large pot of water with a splash of olive oil sat on the burner. April turned the gas on and flames licked the cookware. A bag of fusilli, twisted and hard, waited beside the stove.

At precisely six April hit the dimmer switch.

The doorbell announced her guest.

She caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror by the entryway. Dilated pupils stared back.
Relax, April. Breathe. You’re not supposed to be under the influence of Adrenalin. She sucked in another breath and opened the door.

There he stood, wearing a blue polo with gray slacks that matched his startling eyes. A smile spread across his face. A lock of chestnut hair had escaped and curled upon his forehead. Alain bowed then handed April a brown bag encasing a small bottle. “Far Niente Dolce.”

“For dessert,” April said, remembering the succulent strawberries she’d prepared for dipping in dark chocolate.

“You look beautiful. I’m afraid I’m underdressed,” Alain said.

“I like you underdressed.” It’ll be undressed before this evening is done.

“Come on in, Alain. Do you like French wines?”

“I do.”

He reached for the glass April held out to him but she drew it away, took his hand and forced her body against his.

“April, wait. What’re you doing?”

She answered with her lips, slightly parted, pressed against his.

Alain pulled his mouth away from her, but not before she felt his response pushing against her body.

“For the love of God, stop it.” His complexion paled, his breath came in spurts.

“Oh, Alain, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what overtook me.” April blushed. “You’re so . . . so irresistible.” She peeled away from him and approached the stove. Removing the cover from the saucepan, she stirred, feigned embarrassment. “It won’t happen again.”
He reached for the glass of wine she’d set on the counter and pulled up a barstool.

“What’re you cooking?”

“Pasta. Puttanesca sauce.”

“Putta-what sauce?”

“From Napoli. It’s named after their working women. Puttana means whore.”

She watched the color drain again from his face again.

“Whore?” he asked.

“Whore. It’s about living passionately, enjoying all the pleasures of life. My mama was Italian.”

Alain cleared his throat. “I’m sure I’ll like it.”

“I’m sure you will, too. How’s the wine?” April reached for her own glass, swirled, sniffed and tasted. She chewed the liquid, allowing her taste buds the full savor of the burst of flavors: fruits and oak. “Hmmmm…”

He studied her then imitated her motions. “Yes, good. Full-bodied.” Alain glanced at April then dropped his eyes to the crystal glass. “Oh God, I better go.”

“No, wait.” She dropped the pasta into boiling water that splashed and sizzled when it hit the burner. “You need to taste it with food.”

Alain made no move to leave. “Okay. Talk to me about Trish,” he said. “That’s what you invited me for.”

“Of course. What do you want to know?”

“I don’t know. It was your agenda.” Alain’s voice had a brittle edge to it.

“That was an excuse. I’ll never have a chance at you again.”

“I can’t do this. I just can’t. I love Trish and intend to be faithful to her.” He stood.

“Trish is insecure, Alain. You need to know that. This is a good test of her faith in you. Did you tell her you were coming here tonight?”

“No. She thinks I’m working late.”

“She’d be jealous. Have you seen her get jealous?”

“No. I’ve never given her cause. April, I’m outta here. I’m really uncomfortable.” Alain headed to the door. When he turned toward April and opened his mouth to speak, the phone rang.

April answered, “Hi Trish. What’s up?”

She watched Alain freeze in his tracks. Strolling over to the man, she held the phone so he could hear his fiancée.

“Alain told me he’s working late, but I called his desk and got voice mail. I’m scared, April. I don’t trust him. I think he’s with another woman.”

“Why do you say that?” April eyed Alain, raising her left eyebrow.

“Something changed the night of the engagement party. He’s preoccupied. I’ve got to tell you, I’m having second thoughts about marrying him. He’s got a roving spirit.”

“You think?” April rolled her eyes and watched Alain’s jaw go slack.

“I know. What should I do?” A sob accompanied the question.
“You can’t marry someone you don’t trust.” April stroked Alain’s cheek, his neck. She traced her finger down his body and cupped his groin. She retreated to the kitchen with the phone cradled in her neck. Out of earshot. “How about lunch tomorrow?”

“Can I come tonight?”

“Sure, I’ll see you then. Bye.” She replaced the phone on the charger, grabbed the two glasses of wine and returned to Alain who stood fixed with his hand on the doorknob, erection in plain view.

“Come on; as long as you’re here let’s eat. It’s ready.” She led him to the table.

As he took his place, April topped off his wine then dumped the pasta in a colander. Steam wafted into the air. She reached for a large bowl, added pasta and sauce, deftly blending them with the skill of someone who did this often.

As they ate, April’s eyes never left Alain.

He looked down until his plate was almost empty.

Suddenly, he arose, pushed back his chair with a scrapping noise and fled the apartment.

Not even a thank you, April mused, as she cleared the dishes and put them in the sink to soak. She escaped to her bedroom to change into something comfortable.

April was blowing out the candles when Trish arrived.

“He’s gone?” Trish asked.

Smiling, April grabbed her friend. “He’s long gone. Didn’t even finish the main course. Trish, this one passed the test!”

“Thank God,” Trish said, heading to the kitchen and pouring herself a glass of wine. “This stuff’s expensive. I get to have some this time. So, what do ya think? Should I marry him?”

“I’d say so.”

The two women toasted and settled back to enjoy the wine, which paired well with chocolate-dipped strawberries.

Monday Morning Writing Prompt–Let’s Have Some Fun

A dog doing its business.

Image via Wikipedia

Something about autumn invites us to think of death, loss and change. Right now, here in Reno, the sun is shining, the weather is nice, but the wind is trying its darndest to blow the first leaves off the trees. Beautiful cumulus clouds are bouncing around in a blue sky. In a word, there is a battle going on between the fair and the foul.

Let’s take a break this week from the sense of impending doom and have some fun. I invite you to write and submit a short story, essay or poem that touches on humor. Let’s work hard to make each other smile or laugh. For my part, I’m going with a short story I wrote a while back. It was published in a small literary journal and it has an element of memoir (just a touch) in it.

So let’s have some fun:

  • Write your short story, essay or poem.
  • Post it on your blog.
  • Access Mr. Linky at the bottom of this post and share your name and the link to your submission.
  • Go ahead, take time to visit other submissions, give them a word of encouragement and enjoy yourself.

Monday Morning Writing Prompt–a Rant

Yelling Man

Image by Orange Steeler via Flickr

Life brings its moments of joy and it often seems easy to write about those: romance, the beauty of a moment in nature, children, pets.

It seems those experiences are highlighted when contrasted with events that are filled with frustration. You only have to open a newspaper to understand what I’m talking about.

For today’s writing prompt, I’d like you to zero in on something that you find frustrating or even anger-provoking. Write an essay if you will, a short story in which someone vents his spleen, or try this poetic form known as a rant.

A rant is usually written in free verse and so may tempt even those of you with poetic-phobia to give it a try. The topic should be kept to one (preferably exasperating) subject and explored from all angles and in excruciating detail. The writing is usually in the present tense.

I hope you will participate and invite some newcomers to join in as well. Remember that you can write poetry, essay or a short story and there is no deadline. Please post a link to your work in the comment sections of this post.

Here is my effort. Although rhyming is not part of the rant form, this is how it happened. This needs editing, so your input and suggestions are welcome.

Love Song to TSA

A Rhyming Rant

 

“Now, take off your shoes, jacket and hat.”

I take a deep breath, prepare for a pat-

down—here, there, all around—

(love being touched by some arrogant clown)

Keepin’ us safe, invadin’ our space.

Can’t take much more. “Hey, open that case!”

Shoulda stayed home and read a good book.

“Back through the x-ray; I want a good look.”

Next time I travel I’ll fly in the nude.

Just makin’ it easy, not tryin’ to be lewd.

 

Mad Kane’s Limerick Challenge: “Shame”

THE TATTOOED MEN of OLD JAPAN 入れ墨

Image by Okinawa Soba (On the Road for a Week) via Flickr

Shame

A gal with a very long name
said “Tattoo it, or you’ll lose your claim.”
Then she’d snicker and snort–
her guy’s thingy was short.
What a truly despicable dame.

Check out Mad Kane’s Limerick Challenge at http://www.madkane.com/humor_blog/  for a bit of fun to start off the week.

Response to Monday Morning Writing Prompt: Office Romantic

My Cubicle @ Work

Image by Vincent Ma via Flickr

Office Romantic

“It’s not that I’m trying to keep it a secret,” Patty told me. “It’s not clandestine—not exactly.”

The lunchtime crowd hummed in the background as I strained to soak in each word she murmured.

“I mean, I never told anyone about it before today,” Patty said. “I don’t sneak around, but, well, it’s just between him and me.”

“Is he married?” I asked, curious about the relationship.

“No. He plays an open field.” She fidgeted with the ruffle on her floral-patterned blouse; unbuttoned then re-buttoned the cuff of her sleeve, over and over again
.
“What do you like about him, exactly?”

Patty buried her head in her hands, sighed then twiddled a strand of mousey brown hair. “He’s always there when I need him.” She looked out the window of the cafeteria. Sunshine labored to pierce the haze that had settled over the valley.

“And…” I probed.

“He’s a good listener, funny.” She drifted off to some place far away, probably remembering some fleeting encounter. “Sometimes he’s a little square.”

“Where’d you meet him?”

“At work.” Shuffling through her purse, she extracted a tube of bright pink lipstick and applied it to her lower lip, scrunched her mouth like a toothless old hag and wiped her teeth with a paper napkin.

“Then I know him?”

“Of course, everyone does. I wouldn’t be surprised if I’m not the only one who’s charmed by him,” she sighed.
In my mind I inventoried the eligible men in our office. Yuck, I thought. She must be desperate.

“Do you spend a lot of time with him?”

“Uh hum.” She speared a string bean from the plate she’d shoved to the side of the Formica table then took a sip of water, using the straw from her ice tea.

“So, what’s he look like?” I persisted, hoping to pinpoint his identity from his description.

“He’s skinny, with large dark eyes. Expressive. Heavy eyebrows. Usually smiling.” Patty returned to her purse, extracted her wallet and grabbed the check. “Let’s see,” she said.

I watched as she estimated the tip and divided the total in two, using her fingers as a calculator. She’s the accountant, I figured, Let her do the math.

In the meantime, I mentally surveyed our co-workers and came up empty. “Come on, Patty. Who is this guy?”

“You’ll have to figure it out yourself. I told you I met him at the office. I didn’t say he worked for us.”

My mind stretched out to agents, vendors, the mailman, our clients.

“Have you had sex?” I decided to be blunt.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Patty stammered. “You know me better than that.”

“Well what do you do when you’re together?”

“Whatever I want. He always asks me first: ‘What would you like to do?’ Always the gentleman.”

“Damn it, Patty. Why’d you have to tell me you have a secret liaison then tease me like this?” I was pissed now. “What’s so special about it anyway?”

“I’m sorry I brought it up, Karen. It’s been gnawing at me. I can’t let him go, but I know it’s never going to go anywhere. Just drop it.” Patty sniffled, dragging a Kleenex out of her battered handbag.

“Okay, but don’t think I won’t be watching you.”

We piled our plates on green plastic trays that reeked of chlorine from the dishwasher. Patty got change for my twenty, divvied up our bill and left a two-dollar tip.

Back in the office, I retreated to my cubicle, but not before I’d scoped out the work area on the pretext of going to the girl’s room.

That afternoon, I glanced up every time the door opened, ushering in a gust of wind and a visitor. No one matched the portrait she’d painted.

Before sealing envelopes, I had to double-check my work because, God knows, I didn’t want to mess with accounts payable, couldn’t afford to lose this miserable job.

The rest of the day crept by. Patty waved at me on her way to the copy machine, a stack of invoices in her right hand. Her black eyes, beady behind coke bottle glasses, taunted me. Giving me a smug smile, she pivoted on her heel. “A woman on a mission,” I said to myself. “May the copier jam.”

***

Four days later, I figured it out. Placing my cursor on the Office Assistant icon, I left-clicked, needing to refresh my memory on Auto-Formatting. A skinny little guy, with buggy eyes blinked and raised his eyebrows. “What would you like to do?” he asked.

How to Nab a Husband Who Cooks–Big Tent Poetry

Lamb chops with mash

Image via Wikipedia

Submitted to Big Tent Poetry–http://bigtentpoetry.org/  where this week’s prompt is to write a how-to poem and is focused around food. Since I did manage to marry a man who does 99% of the cooking, I thought of this. On our second date, David prepared an incredible rack of lamb and was very happy when, instead of being dainty, I grabbed the bone and cleaned it. Last night for our 20th anniversary, he cooked a rack of lamb!

How to Nab a Husband Who Cooks

There’s just a few pointers I’d like to share
if a gourmet cook you’d like to snare.
Survey the aisles of your super mart
for a man who’s alone and who looks the part

of someone who eats just a little more
than he should. Follow him throughout the store.
Ask a question, “Do you know just how to cook
a rack of lamb?” (then a pleading look)

“I’m out on my own now and up till now
my cooking was simple, I don’t know how
to prepare anything that’s not in a box
or frozen stiff or stirred in a wok.”

Then listen intently to the words he speaks,
your eyes wide open, a blush on your cheeks
and with a deep sigh, wipe away a tear.
“Do you think I’m silly–I have such fear

that I’ll surely ruin this beautiful meat—
maybe it’s better I go out to eat.”
Then stop (and hope and pray) and wait
to see if he’s open to taking the bait.

And if things proceed like you wish they might
soon enough he’ll invite you to dinner some night
to sample his prowess in the chefly domain
and see if his craft is worth the champagne

that you brought to toast the auspicious event.
If you find that all else is one hundred percent
to show that you’re pleased with his culinary skill
gnaw on that lamb bone—it will give him a thrill.

Leonnyes Z to A Challenge: “E” is for Earworms

Neon music sign

Image via Wikipedia

Submitted to Leonnyes Z to A Challenge: http://leonnyes.wordpress.com/

Earworms

The diagnosis sounds atrocious.
It hinges on repetition.
Songs that jingle in your head
make you wish that you were dead.

What’s the cause of this disease?
No one knows for certain.
Since the tunes don’t always please
they can leave you hurting.

You just confessed you do obsess
on this catchy melody:
“‘F-R-E-E, that spells free,’
rattles round inside of me.”

Just yesterday it went away,
you didn’t think of it at all
until that damn ad played again.
Don’t you know, it will not end?

“Cognitive itch”—that a son of a bitch,
could it be God’s call?
The message you were meant to get:
“It’s a Small World After All.”

They say that earworms can’t be fought.
That only makes you angrier.
The more you scratch the more you itch
and bury it in your memory.

There’s not much that you can do
to stop these “aneurhythms.”
Try to sing the whole damn song,
loud and clear, to pass it on.

When the “hum-bug” gets to you
try to find distraction.
until another one pops in.
Then it all begins again.

“Maim That Tune” you may recall,
means you’re normal after all.