How to Nab a Husband Who Cooks–Big Tent Poetry


Lamb chops with mash

Image via Wikipedia

Submitted to Big Tent Poetry–http://bigtentpoetry.org/  where this week’s prompt is to write a how-to poem and is focused around food. Since I did manage to marry a man who does 99% of the cooking, I thought of this. On our second date, David prepared an incredible rack of lamb and was very happy when, instead of being dainty, I grabbed the bone and cleaned it. Last night for our 20th anniversary, he cooked a rack of lamb!

How to Nab a Husband Who Cooks

There’s just a few pointers I’d like to share
if a gourmet cook you’d like to snare.
Survey the aisles of your super mart
for a man who’s alone and who looks the part

of someone who eats just a little more
than he should. Follow him throughout the store.
Ask a question, “Do you know just how to cook
a rack of lamb?” (then a pleading look)

“I’m out on my own now and up till now
my cooking was simple, I don’t know how
to prepare anything that’s not in a box
or frozen stiff or stirred in a wok.”

Then listen intently to the words he speaks,
your eyes wide open, a blush on your cheeks
and with a deep sigh, wipe away a tear.
“Do you think I’m silly–I have such fear

that I’ll surely ruin this beautiful meat—
maybe it’s better I go out to eat.”
Then stop (and hope and pray) and wait
to see if he’s open to taking the bait.

And if things proceed like you wish they might
soon enough he’ll invite you to dinner some night
to sample his prowess in the chefly domain
and see if his craft is worth the champagne

that you brought to toast the auspicious event.
If you find that all else is one hundred percent
to show that you’re pleased with his culinary skill
gnaw on that lamb bone—it will give him a thrill.

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48 thoughts on “How to Nab a Husband Who Cooks–Big Tent Poetry

  1. Congratulations, Victoria! Hey-hey-hey–it’s beginning!

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  2. Tom Baker says:

    Liv2Write, I would like to feature this poem in either November or December on my Poetic License series. Once a month I post great poetry that I find by searching blogs such as yours. If you allow me to use your poem, you will get full credit and a link back to your site.

    Three times a year I will also be combining the previous four months into one large magazine style post. If you don’t mind please let me know. If you would like to see an example, the first magazine issue of the last trimester of 2010 was posted on January 6th (http://morningerection.wordpress.com/2011/01/06/the-new-tri-annual-poetic-license-magazine/) with the poems from Sept-Dec of 2010.

    Here is the link to the January Poetic License (http://morningerection.wordpress.com/2011/01/03/poetic-license-5/) if you would like to see it before you decide. Thank you for your consideration, regardless of your decision.

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  3. kathe w says:

    oh ho- so that’s how it’s done! so-when’s dinner? Lamb sounds divine!

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  4. Deb says:

    What a fabulous romp!!

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  5. Erin says:

    Sound advice–and so much fun!

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  6. trisha says:

    this is one of the funniest poems i have ever read!!!!!

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  7. Ron. says:

    The only thing about cooking that I ever bragged to my beloved Sandra was my world-class omelette. Always focus on breakfast, I say. Talk to her about it all night long. Well, mostly all night anyway. Yeah, this food-as-come-on is a two-way street, sister.

    Well done.

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  8. mark says:

    Oh my, this is brilliant, sly, sublime and tasty. All the way around, I like this a lot.

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  9. OK, were you Dr. Seuss in a previous life? I don’t know the poetry word, but in my mind the rhythm of this preciously funny poem is like Dr. Suess.
    Maybe I should hang out more in grocery stores?

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  10. i loved this — “instead of being dainty, I grabbed the bone” — in the introduction, and i was so glad to see it appear in the poem! gnaw ….

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  11. Tumblewords says:

    Indeed – a winner all the way around!

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  12. Linda says:

    Loved the poem–glad all else was 100%

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  13. Jingle says:

    lovely,
    you are blessed.
    enjoy the love and delicious treat right at home with the man you love…
    yummy life.
    Happy Friday!
    😉

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  14. You are a fortunate and lucky lass. My first date with my wife was in her kitchen where I cooked her a roast, with all the trimmings and a steam pudding. Twenty-five years later, I still do most of the cooking. We traveled the US for Kraft as the Kraft Traveling Cooking School and she was the star. Go figure! I thoroughly enjoyed your poem. Tell your man congratulations on his ability to snare (with lamb) such a talented poet. P.S.- We lived in Reno on McClarin (sp?) Blvd. in 1997.
    Regards,
    Don

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  15. pamela says:

    Well lucky you Victoria. This was so much fun to read. I am sure you enjoyed writing it.

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  16. ladynimue says:

    Perfecto !! I wish i can get such a man 1 I would love so much to together cook a meal or more 😉

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  17. b_y says:

    Fortunate you. If you ran across someone like my husband, you might have been given an informative lecture on where to go to find the information, but rack of lamb? Nope.

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  18. 1sojournal says:

    I agree, sometimes its just about fun and that is what I felt throughout your poem. Could see you grinning with every word. And I was grinning right along with you,

    Elizabeth

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  19. Laurie Kolp says:

    Clever advice… and very important, too… foot massages another must.

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  20. I really enjoyed this poem! I was cracking up all of the way through! Thanks for sharing this!

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  21. nan says:

    This was fun. Enjoyed it very much. I like it that the images of facial expressions are easily imagined.

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  22. Tilly Bud says:

    Great fun! I have a man who cooks – or did, when he was well – as a woman of hearty appetites, I married wisely 🙂

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  23. Absolutely darling. I can just picture it. Well done – in poem and in marriage. 🙂

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  24. vivinfrance says:

    Bravo Victoria. Mine makes great soup and a fair bacon and egg, but that’s about it. Why didn’t I think of lurking by the meat counter in Leclerc?

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  25. buttercup600 says:

    Whooohooo, how lucky are you…just loved this Victoria!! Fun!! oxo

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  26. Scent of my heart says:

    You’re a lucky woman having someone to cook for you. I cook perfect but I don’t really like doing it, and yes finding someone else to do that for you is a great idea. The poem was fun. Happy anniversary too!

    Like

  27. Bodhirose says:

    Loved this fun poem, Victoria! Charming and witty and sounds like good advice too. 🙂 xoxo

    Like

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