Impossible Dreams


Venus reflected in the Pacific Ocean

Image via Wikipedia

Impossible Dreams

The week before, outside the window
of our rented cabin
Venus shone in late summer brilliance.

You slept across the room,
your breath sucking in dreams
of  future love.

Awake, I listened to waves
defining edges of our world,
a world drenched in hope.

Beneath the soggy surface of sand,
crabs scuttled
doing that which sand crabs do.

Remember how we used to watch
for bubbles on wave-
kissed shores?

There we’d dig to catch them
then free them back
to their inane existence.

But that was years before
when we were kids. This, however,
was the week before

I turned away from child’s
play to grasp the choice that I had made,
a certain choice (so I believed).

Tonight, outside my window
on this sleepless winter night
Venus still shines in desert skies.

I’m happy to submit this to dVerse Poets’ Pub, Open Link Night, hosted by the incomparable Brian Miller. I’m  glad to return to my blogging buddies, if in a somewhat limited capacity. I anticipate only doing 2-3 posts a week for a while and hope to be able continue commenting, if in a somewhat short, pithy manner.

Process note: this poem is inspired by the week I spent with my family on vacation at Newport Beach just prior to leaving home to pursue my dreams at the tender age of 17. It needs to be edited, so your constructive critique is most welcome. Thank you.

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28 thoughts on “Impossible Dreams

  1. zongrik says:

    that means a lot to me because more than twenty years ago, venus was bright like that, and i wrote a poem that started like this. we all see the same thing sometimes, in space and in time.

    Like

  2. So thoughtful and reflective…lovely
    Celeste

    Like

  3. Victoria, this is truly reminiscent of the choices we make or don’t. Some things remain as they were as we change. Nice piece.

    Pamela

    Like

  4. Lindy Lee says:

    Gore Vidal in an interview once told how his friend Tennessee Williams would work for hours re-writing his own, already published, books.

    Poetry in particular flows from the heart. The first write, more often than not, simply needs grammatical & spelling fine-tuning. Food for thought?

    Like

  5. Jamie Dedes says:

    A lovely poem.

    I hope the only reason you are cutting back on posting is to manage your writing. Hooray!

    Like

  6. kez says:

    beautiful, atmospheric piece loved it thank you x

    Like

  7. Another beautiful scene painted with your words…

    By the way, I’m loving your novel!

    Like

  8. Ruth says:

    A beautiful poem and I love the repetition about Venus, that it shines on – it feels like an assurance that we are loved, no matter what choices we make…

    Critique-wise, I agree with Viv… and I actually think the stanza she mentions isn’t needed at all. A simple “Now,” in the next (perhaps with a slight addition or adjustment in wording there) would more seamlessly return us to “the week before”. Having said that, I wonder if it’s even necessary to specify that particularity of time frame – in my opinion, the poem’s opening would draw the reader in more strongly if it began “Outside the window”… Too, I might offset the final stanza (though you’d think “Tonight” and summer vs winter and use of present vs past tense should be enough to give readers this ‘many years later’ feel – prob. just me then 🙂 ).

    Like

  9. tigerbrite says:

    I turned away from child’s
    play to grasp my choice of future
    a certain choice (so I believed).

    This is how I would have written that stanza, but its not my poem and its beautiful as it is.

    Light and healing to you.

    Like

  10. beckykilsby says:

    I’m thoroughly drawn to your quiet understatement here, Victoria. The sharp clarity of light falling from the night sky illuminates your words.

    Like

  11. dani says:

    “I turned away from child’s
    play to grasp the choice that I had made,
    a certain choice (so I believed).”

    i so agree that this verse is wonderful! i love the entire poem {and there is NO way i could ever attempt to critique your writing.}

    i hope things get resolved in the best possible way for you soon, Victoria. ♥

    {i had to re-subscribe to your site because WordPress stopped sending me email updates.}

    Like

  12. Hi Victoria, I don’t feel that I should offer critique as I don’t really know you or your work–but I will say that this is a lovely, lovely piece–so evocative of sound and smell —

    Thank you!

    Like

  13. christi moon says:

    Victoria—I enjoyed this beautifully penned melancholy piece. You have some wonderful imagery in this piece. I particularly like this stanza—

    You slept across the room,
    your breath sucking in dreams
    of future love.
    Creates a scene for me of two sisters sharing a room (and their young lives)

    These two stanzas are just a tad awkward/redundant
    for me as I read them and I wonder if there is a way for you to revise these so that they are as smooth as the rest of this tender poem.

    But that was years before
    when we were kids. This, however,
    was the week before
    I turned away from child’s
    play to grasp the choice that I had made,
    a certain choice (so I believed).

    I wonder if you need the first stanza?

    But I turned away from child’s
    play to grasp
    the choice that I made.

    Just a thought—please toss it right to the curb if you hate it 

    This is wonderful poetry Victoria.

    Like

  14. beautiful imagery in your words, smiles.

    🙂

    Like

  15. hedgewitch says:

    There’s no end to the second guessing we do with ourselves, and sometimes it’s very fruitful, even if only in producing this enigmatic and moody poem. Loved it, Victoria.

    Like

  16. wolfsrosebud says:

    Welcome back… nice reflective piece… memories vivid as if it had just happened… funny how some things never seem to change too much

    Like

  17. ayala says:

    A tender write.
    These lines…Awake, I listened to waves
    defining edges of our world,
    a world drenched in hope….I just love….

    Like

  18. I really like the flow from past to present, from ocean to desert, Venus back to Venus, full-circle.
    Love the words, agree with Viv, some could be edited, perhaps even compacting 7 & 8th stanza into one, ie something like:
    but that was years before–
    we were still kids
    our choices awaited”
    Of course, I am sure you can phrase much more eloquently, just sharing an idea.
    Hope you are doing okay, my friend. Sending good thoughts your way.

    Like

  19. brian miller says:

    i liked the wrap around bringing us back…i hear what viv is saying though…i am glad you embrace your choice made…and that even in that venus still shines…

    Like

  20. Heaven says:

    I like the reflective write on choices….and that beautiful picture goes well with your words.

    Like

  21. souldipper says:

    Ever so gently, Victoria. Good. That will be good. Sending you much affection and love.

    Like

  22. claudia says:

    so you left home with 17 already…? my youngest daughter is 17 now…gave me a sting somehow…ugh…but yes..good to pursue the dream…love the reflective mood in this..and the parts with the crabs is esp. charming..made me smile..and so good to see you posting again..

    Like

  23. viv blake says:

    I enjoyed this dip into your youth. The only part I wondered about was the stanza
    “But that was years before
    when we were kids. This, however,
    was the week before

    I think what made me dither was the “this however… before” – I know you mean to bring us back to the present, but the words didn’t work for me.

    Like

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