Sonnet, with Liberties Taken
I am the Sun that slips through blinds half-closed,
imprinting saffron stripes on textured walls.
I am a ball of fire that slashes clouds,
that singes trees on rugged mountain tops.
I am the spreading branch of Piñon Pine,
or Mullbr’y broad umbrella leaf of green.
I offer shade in sweltering summer time,
and home for mockingbirds, the songs they bring.
I am the dance of light upon the moon,
behind the palm tree fronds my passion plays
a tempting game—I kiss the darkest gloom
who yields to me at last, in hues of gray.
May I return in showers of purple blooms—
a Jacaranda rain on grassy dew?
the sun that slips
through blinds, half-closed.
Painting saffron strips
on adobe walls.
a bolt of fire
lighting up the skies,
singeing trees on mountain tops,
the sheltered branches of Mulberry tree.
Broad leaf umbrella
shading you at noontime.
the dance of light upon the moon,
hiding my passion behind
kissing night in unseen places.
the empty flute
the flautist left behind.
I await the breath of God
to fill the void.
Though I must leave,
I’ll come to you again—
a shower of purple petals
upon dew-covered sod.
Progress Note: Yesterday during my walk I watched the petals of Jacaranda trees fall in the breeze like purple rain. The thought crossed my mind: If it’s true, as Buddhism suggests, that we shall return in nature, I’d like to be a part of this.
The first write of this was in free form, during the night. When I awakened, I saw a copy I’d made of instructions (from Luke Prater) on the stress sonnet form. I don’t have the courage yet to try that complex undertaking so I thought I’d better master the pure sonnet first and work up to it. Then when I read Gay Cannon’s challenge on dVerse Meeting the Bar, I knew I couldn’t eke out another near-sonnet today, so I thought I’d go ahead an share this at the pub. I encourage everyone to meet up there. Perhaps by the time OLN rolls around, I’ll have a Frame Sonnet poem to submit. Have fun everyone.
I do love the jacaranda, I just love the city in spring here…old rooves and jacaranda dotted everywhere…I would love to be part of it too!
Both beautifully written! I love your style. I wish I thought of the title for my poem though 🙂 Check it out here http://normamartiri.wordpress.com/2011/10/20/jacaranda/
looking forward to your meeting the bar later today victoria…hope you are well…smiles….
Really, really love the imagery here. Love the use of the first person as well.
Both dance for me 🙂
jeez victoria, i feel swirl-danced with the purple petals, so you’ve already come back as them, seriously! 😉
and i thought, reading the form-verse, the free verse following sounded light, right off the beginning lines, but they hopped and skipped their own playful swirly dance-y way into my mood
and weren’t there kisses in both?
“kissing night in unseen places” – “I kiss the darkest gloom / who yields to me at last”
you’re not gonna make me choose are you 😉
What a beautiful ode to the Jacaranda trees. Your words are lovely Victoria.
What gorgeous trees! They remind me of the purple empress trees I’ve seen sometimes on my travels around the states. As to the poems, it was really tough to decide which one I liked better. They are both really good in different ways. As much as I love ‘form’, I think I like the free verse just a touch more…it just felt more intimate, somehow, if that makes sense. 🙂
The contrast in both styles is admirable, but the atmosphere – its gentle tranquility and peacefulness – pervades the compositions.
Victoria, your love of nature is evident, but this poem truly captures your oneness with the earth. Have to say, as an addicted free-verser, I prefered the second form, perhaps because of the repeated I AM, which is another name for the creator, one of many names and many paths, all centered on love. Thank you, nice to read you again. Peace, Amy
gorgeous, amazing, fabulous!
Beautiful in both forms, Victoria, but I think the free verse gets the intensity and emotion across more strongly, while the formality and control of the sonnet leave a more serene wash of peace.
this was so nice- just a perfect capture of the image and tge feelings it created- this felt peaceful and drifting- like the falling petals….i agree the framed couplets is tricky form! and whilst this might not strictly adhere to it- it is a lovely flowing melodic piece
You’ve made me ‘homesick’…a rare occurance.
thankyou for bringing back the scent of a color I forgot I missed so much
Absolutely lovely Victoria! It reminds me that I must have a go too! 🙂
Victoria, that sonnet is my favourite of all your poems that I’ve read. Its beauty moved me to tears, and I read it aloud to Jock, who’s a sucker for a sonnet. The free verse one seemed like an anticlimax after that.
this is awesome..love the flow..esp. in the sonnet..and it feels so very natural…and then the jacaranda of course..saw them in australia…we don’t have them over here…and they were in full bloom when i was there…great capture of a mood of abandon
This is really beautiful Victoria!
“I am a ball of fire that slashes clouds,
that singes trees on rugged mountain tops.” is my favorite …
the sonnet is awesome … n d perfect pic that discribes the rain. lovely.
your words make me feel the dew!
fascinating victoria…there is a bit of magic in the dance of your form verse…i love that it is in first person as well…your flow is top notch…i am usually a free form lover, but i def like your form version better….
Thanks to you a kinda of a understanding as to whats a sonnet and whats a free verse.
And as far as your writing it’s awesome and flowing with imagery.
Wow! Those trees are beautiful!
Love the poems, preferred the sonnet. 🙂 I just thought the free verse one was a bit too much of a list of statements, probably the effect of “I am” standing alone on the lines starting every stanza. The sonnet reads more descriptive, lingering on them, painting the scene gently in the mind. Awesome piece.
Both lovely, but like others — after seeing the free verse–like it better! Take care, k.
So beautiful, I prefer the free-verse but I’m biased that way :).
I love the contrasting poetic styles!
You never cease to amaze me with the way you use words to paint gorgeous scenes that burst with life.
Very nice Victoria. I’ve had all sorts of trouble with this one as well as Sonnets normally make me pop a vein. But so glad you submitted these, excellent reads both of them. Thanks
Love both of these, beautiful Victoria!
These were beautiful Victoria – I love your notes as well. You gave us so much sensuousness in both these poems. I think I prefer the sonnet one, but the free verse ranges further and is somewhat more emotive. Both forms are really lovely!
Love both of these Victoria…seriously beautiful work! It would be a shame to pick one over the other…and the image is stunning! (Also a huge hug and Poet Love to you for your wonderful support…honored, completely!)
They are both fantastic Victoria. The rhythm and wording in the sonnet are spot on, and I love the sentiment of being reborn as something like a Jacaranda tree. “imprinting saffron stripes on textured walls.” is really beautiful! 🙂
Both are lovely, meditative. I think I like the free-verse better, though.