A thoracic surgeon performs a mitral valve replacement at the Fitzsimons Army Medical Center. Slovenščina: Kirurgi med operacijo. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Radical Surgery
Octain
The day I diagnosed your treachery,
excised deception from my fragile life,
I cauterised my heart, scrubbed clean of strife.
How to assess what you have done to me?
the lies you told, emotions cold,
anesthetized my longing to be free.
I close the wound incised with your dull knife,
Debride my feelings of your treachery.
Written for today’s Poetics at dVerse Poets’ Pub in which we are asked by the incomparable Karin Gustafson to choose active verbs from one profession and apply them to a completely different scenario. I’ve chosen to use Luke Prater’s Octain form. Check out his site to learn more about it.
And…I suspect I’m not the only one out there who’s dated a sociopath?
Victoria C. Slotto, Author 
this is one big bloody metaphor!! 😉
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You are so good with scathing, gritty metaphor and tough language that retains it’s poetic value. And there is great strength in the brevity here.
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Wow. That one cut straight through to the bone. I’ve been at that place more than once when I felt dissected by someone who I trusted to keep me whole. Very effective poem.
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Loved your take on the prompt…this was a natural for you to write from this perspective, Victoria…very entertaining. Sadly, I married a sociopath…they can be so charming…
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Oh, yes the physical heart surgery and the actual ripping/tearing of one’s broken heart! Well done, Victoria!!
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Excellent, Victoria 🙂
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oh yess … good idea … and very well written.
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A small but powerful piece of work …the lies you told, emotions cold,/ anesthetized my longing to be free. …. lines the cut to the heart of it and excellent use of the form
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I like this a lot. Just the term “debride” has potential to be the basis of a poem on its own, I think — from its literal medical use to a figurative removing of a bride. Now you’ve got me thinking.
{ami}
http://sundrysumthins.wordpress.com/
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Brilliant idea, and so well executed. A joy to read.
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yep…sometimes a radical surgery with all its pain and danger may be better than just suffering silently…great job and loved that you made it an octain…haven’t read one in a while
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Really nice use of Luke’s form, which is a demanding but rewarding one–and your verb choice is just devastatingly on target here–debride–now that is a word that really can bring chills…I sympathize with the poetic logjam, Victoria–I’ve been having a rough time lately also and this prompt was very helpful–you really did an excellent job with it.
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Three little stanzas and words searing like a hot cauterizing knife! Yikes. Spoken well, short and not so sweet.
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How you ‘opened up’ with wonderful word play. That’s brilliant, Victoria! The accompanying pic with ‘the surgeon’s knife opening up’ is classic!
Hank
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This cuts straight to the point. Really well expressed “that’s it, I see what you did and I’m cutting you out of my life”.
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Thanks…great post and you are Not alone in your choice of dates !
Peace,
Siggi in Downeast Maine
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Hey! Now we got blood and guts at the Pub! GAK!
Nicely done, Victoria!
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This is an example of a situation in which surgery IS a good thing. I am glad you are free of him and his wiles! Your poem was well written to prompt and dealt with real life. I commend you for honest writing.
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This was many years ago, Mary. Thank God. My husband was the rebound. Sometimes those things work out.
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Whew, your words knife the treachery ~ Good use of medical terms ~
http://everydayamazin.blogspot.ca/2012/05/creek.html
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Oh, I see what you mean now! lol A powerful write & definitely more ‘radical’ than mine! Ouch…Very nicely done, Victoria 🙂
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Ouch, you leave us in no doubt as to how you feel. I don’t blame you at all and am also glad you didn’t marry him. Powerful write!
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So much to love about this, steely words delivered with razor sharp precision… love this…
excised deception from my fragile life,
I cauterised my heart, scrubbed clean
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At least you didn’t marry him! Wonderful words of excision. Nice to see you, Victoria! K.
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sometimes that kinda of surgery is not a bad thing at all…esp when you wake up from the anestesia and realize what is really going on….smiles…you blended in the medical terminology well in this victoria…
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