Good-By


It seemed to whisper,

Good-by,
good-by.

Everything that had been a part of her.
Everything bound up
in her deepest roots.

Good-by,
good-by.

Fear fell away, congealed.
Fear, frozen, oddly gentle,
like a baby rabbit in a trap.

Good-by,
good-by.

The air, thick with feathers,
floated softly down.
Suddenly stilled.

Good-by.
Good-by.

Photo: V. Slotto

This is an erasure poem, written as a response to Anna Montgomery’s prompt over at dVerse Form for All. You’ll enjoy learning all about this form and reading what other poets have created. I chose Mitchell’s Gone with the Wind opened to a page at random. The scene in play is that which occurs when the Union invades and sets fire to Tara. I first read this classic as a teen and again about twenty years ago.

The pub opens a 1500 EST…come on over.

Thank you, Anna.

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33 thoughts on “Good-By

  1. I thought I had read this. It is beautiful Victoria.
    RYN: Our island traffic is so quiet compared to elsewhere. Especially once you get out of town. It’s a rarity to see anything else on the roads, thankfully but, having lived in a big city, I don’t take anything for granted, not even here.

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  2. Marilyn Murphy says:

    Nice!!!

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  3. brian miller says:

    happy sunday victoria…i hope you had a great weekend…smiles.

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  4. “Air thick with feathers”… Ooh, you’re good, Victoria!

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  5. Kim Nelson says:

    I knew it was from Gone With The Wind before you told us so. You manipulate the words to send a message and meaning far different from the original text. Filled with emotion, this piece reads like a classic.

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  6. ManicDdaily says:

    Very pretty poem –

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  7. kaykuala says:

    Beautifully done, Victoria! Never thought of opening a page at random. Nicely!

    Hank

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  8. Very nicely done Victoria. The horror of the civil war is well represented in this book. I remember the movie with Vivien Leigh.

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  9. Sabio Lantz says:

    That was nicely done. Loved the repeated phrase.
    But I think Anna has done a terrible thing by encouraging all you naughty people to write in your books!! 😉
    [I write in all of mine]

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  10. beckykilsby says:

    Interesting use of repetition Victoria… builds the fear ‘oddly gentle’.. nice build all through

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  11. sreeja says:

    Very nicely done…this is a very independent poem….Great!

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  12. MarinaSofia says:

    I think I may have got the wrong idea with this and done the experiment all wrong, when I read your beautiful example. I loved ‘Gone with the Wind’ and this captures both the feel of the book, and yet is something wholly original.

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  13. really nicely done Victoria. Strong piece. all the 3 lined stanzas are really good, but this one in particular just has that special something to it, so well done:Fear fell away, congealed.
    Fear, frozen, oddly gentle,
    like a baby rabbit in a trap.

    I know you like us to link ours up in our comments but I didn’t link mine up here because as of this moment I haven’t done one yet. Just a reading night right now, but after reading yours and a couple others I may have to give it a shot tonight. Was going to wait till tomorrow but, getting that inspiration bug 🙂

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  14. There is good writing in repetition and a good poem in your words.

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  15. Ravenblack says:

    Softness of that whisper really coming through. A gently breeze can be felt to carry it away. 🙂

    Just dropping by to read.

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  16. jasmine calyx says:

    This is wonderful, Victoria. I especially like these lines:

    “Fear fell away, congealed.
    Fear, frozen, oddly gentle,”

    “The air, thick with feathers,
    floated softly down.”

    The repeated “goodby” is very effective, a soft pain, an acceptance of sorrow. It also seems like the speaker might be allowing death to overcome her.

    I love Gone With the Wind; what an excellent selection.

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  17. There’s a lot of emotion in this, the repetition was very effective in conveying…love Gone With the Wind too. Really enjoyed this.

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  18. Bodhirose says:

    I love that story…so powerful the parts you chose to highlight, Victoria.

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  19. kkkkaty says:

    Nice, Victoria – oh, so painful to be pulled out from one’s roots…

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  20. nico says:

    Very well done–this reads like a true swan song, the story over when the last word dies out. Beautiful!

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  21. souldipper says:

    *Shaking head* – Was it just days ago you felt dry and uncreative? Hah, Victoria! 😀

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  22. I love this! Gone with the Wind is one of my favourite movies of all time. I haven’t read the book yet but must do it soon 🙂

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  23. Somehow captured the essence of her feelings in the second part of the book. Well done!

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  24. Victoria–you gave me chills with this!

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  25. I agree on the gooose bumps, just a fantastic reinvention from the source. Your sparse lines are so perfect for the conceit. Thanks so much for joining in today, it promises to be fun.

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  26. rebecca2000 says:

    I loved the book. Great poem too.

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  27. Mary says:

    I really like the repetition here, which helps set the mood, which is a bit frightening. Very effectively erased to create an interesting poem, Victoria.

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  28. Jamie Dedes says:

    Goose bumps. Well done and I love your choice of book. However much we may deplore the one-sided viewpoint, it’s such a compelling read. Mitchell’s life is pretty interesting and grew past her original views on the old South.

    This is vivid:
    Fear fell away, congealed.
    Fear, frozen, oddly gentle,
    like a baby rabbit in a trap.

    Like

  29. Laurie Kolp says:

    Perfect example of erasure poetry… it turned out so good. I really like the inclusion of a refrain.

    Like

  30. nice… i always hated gone with the wind but i LOVE your poem victoria….the Fear, frozen, oddly gentle,
    like a baby rabbit in a trap…just excellent

    Like

  31. brian miller says:

    ha. like the pic too…now you have another erasing job to do….smiles….

    Like

  32. brian miller says:

    goodness…this turned out rather chilling…
    some great lines…Everything bound up
    in her deepest roots…and…Fear, frozen, oddly gentle,
    like a baby rabbit in a trap….love the contrast in that…
    you wove this together well victoria

    Like

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