departure
a sedoka, with poetic license
Photo: diaryforcrazedwomen.com
that night I tasted
moonlight in your sultry gaze,
touched words unsaid. (memories
hiding in a box)
tonight, sun jumps off the edge
of earth, disappears like you.
touch words unsaid—memories
Today, over at dVerse, where we’re beginning our third year of sharing poetry, we’re challenged to choose any topic from Form for All or Meeting the Bar that was presented in the last year. I chose one from each and created a combo. The form is a Sedoka, presented by Sam Peralta and the poetic tool is Synesthesia, which I presented. I did take a bit of liberty with the form, adding a 7th line that is not called for. To revisit the original posts click HERE for Sedoka and HERE for synesthesia. Have fun, celebrate! Come to the pub–share your poem and enjoy your fellow poets. Encourage them with your comments!
i enjoy this extended way you’ve used the form. I also love your turn of time with “tonight”. I think I have also tasted moonlight.
lovely work.
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In so few words, you evoke nearly every sense. Masterful, my friend.
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How lovely!
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Wow this really touched me deeply. Through your words a great sense of loss and sadness can actually be felt.
Beautiful.
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A sweet and swelling fruit of the amorous soul! ALWAYS magnificent !
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oh the sadness of “tonight, sun jumps off the edge
of earth, disappears like you”, after that promise of a beginning… beautiful suited to that form
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Really liked your use of synesthesia–very successful.
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oh wow….this is beautiful…can’t even pick out a favorite line…i love your choice of moonlight…really brings one into the atmosphere!
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Every word, absolutely stunning. I just can’t describe how this made me feel, Victoria.
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Ohhhh, it was even better read aloud!
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this is beautiful. this is sad.
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It’s been a minute since I was last here, Victoria. Glad I made my way today. Like what you do.
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Wow! Victoria you managed both aspects so well – tying memories with moonbeams, letting the light out of the box. Beautiful!
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Beautifully written, the sun jumping off the edge…wonderful! 🙂
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Oh, I love it. I’ve not tried this form, but your line and the way it changed meanings, or should I say gained meaning, “touched words unsaid–memories” Just the idea of touching unsaid words is something to contemplate and a wonderful phrase to build a poem upon.
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Sounds like the evening was grand but faded as morning came on. That’s a great representation. Thanks,
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Wonderful, & very sad!! 🙂
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Beautiful imagery Victoria~your writing is pure magic.
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Excellent work–the sun jumping off the edge, such a perfect image of a lover leaving, fading out with the setting sun.
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Beautiful Sedoka Victoria, in form and essence! I think I may want to visit that form again myself!
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Sun jumping off edge of the earth is amazing… like you an unexpected, yet powerful addition.
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relationship in nature… loved the drama
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So much in a short space. Elegant.>KB
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The synaesthsic elements are delightful; tasting the moon, touching unsaid words – and playing with the form is always a good idea, For me, form prompts are a starting point, not a strait-jacket.
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Beautiful sedoka Victoria ~ Touched words unsaid is evocative ~
And hopefully you can visit Vancouver City again, the drive up Whistler is very scenic ~
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In my opinion, it takes a deft and delicate hand to work synesthesia well. This takes it to school!
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Oh, I like so much the idea of sun jumping off the edge of the earth…..and the comparison to a person’s ‘disappearance.’ Beautifully crafted, Victoria.
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‘tasted moonlight in your sultry gaze’ loved that…gorgeous as always Victoria.
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Another winner, keying off a FFA from the misty dVerse past. I chose one of your prompts for MTB, December 2011, on Emotion.
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tasting moonlight and touching words…so palpable..love it victoria
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ah, touching itself….i taste moonlight in your gaze…really like that line and it sets up nicely the emotional pull when they are gone….words unsaid are some of the scariest things to me as well…
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Ah yes the Sedoka was wonderful and I will return to that one. And tasting moonlight is a wonderful Synesthesia (I loved that prompt)
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Oh, so very well done.
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