Cautionary Warning to Those Who Dream about the Golden Years


Image: laughteraustralia.com

Image: laughteraustralia.com

Alphabetic Acrostic

Albert’s arthritis makes his old bones ache;
Bea’s bunions kill her and her fingers shake.

Carl’s skin cancer’s all over his face;
Dollie drops dandruff ‘bout everyplace.

Eddie’s eczema is getting much worse;
Hattie’s got hemorrhoids, or so says her nurse.

It’s indigestion keeps Ingrid awake;
Johnny’s knee joint are completely fake.

Kenny’s old kidneys aren’t working so well;
Lulu’s lumbago is a living hell.

Minnie’s leg muscles have gotten too weak;
Nora needs nerve pills ‘cause life makes her freak.

Olive’s poor ovaries need to come out;
Pete’s peter’s petering; he’s full of doubt.

Queenie feels queasy, it’s her inner ear;
Rosie’s remembering isn’t so clear.

Sadie’s so sad that she’s turning to booze;
While Teddy tried grass—he’s got nothing to lose.

Uma has ulcers and can’t eat a thing;
Victor’s Viagra sent him on a fling.

Wally’s wide waistline hangs over his belt;
Xena, the strong one, is no longer svelte.

You don’t really know what the years have in store.
Zippity do da! Surprises galore!

Written for and posted to Karin’s great prompt: use repetition in honor of the movie Ground Hog Day. I chose a bit of humor, an alphabetic, rhyming acrostic poem and…well, you’ll see. Join us over at dVerse Poetics!

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28 thoughts on “Cautionary Warning to Those Who Dream about the Golden Years

  1. Bodhirose says:

    Yikes! But funny!

    Like

  2. grapeling says:

    Like a nursery rhyme for grown ups. Maybe a new genre here – nursing home rhymes! ~

    Like

  3. janehewey says:

    such clever compassion in this, Victoria. I really enjoyed the light-hearted tone, and your rhythm is impeccable!

    Like

  4. I had fun reading this… and got educated. Brilliant piece!

    Like

  5. This made me laugh which is such a nice thing in poetry. I’m not minding old age so far- keep active!

    Like

  6. kelvin s.m. says:

    Perfect. It has all the package of a good entertainment I needed in a piece. I LOVED IT! smiles.

    Like

    • kelvin s.m. says:

      P.S. Thanks, now I don’t know whether I’ll still feel excited to get older or not after this. Lol. But this has a reminder to leave, that the younger ones must aim for a healthy living while still young before it’s too late. Smiles.

      Like

  7. I love this, such a fun read. Cleverly crafted.

    Like

  8. Good to put some humour into the sad state of getting older.. and not just alphabet in terms of names but in maladies too.. and with rhymes to .. something for an elderly mother goose..

    Like

  9. As us ‘oldies’ have acquired a sense of humour through the years, I did relate to this piece Vick, you made me laugh. I’ll be back later, I’m just visiting Sadie for a while 😉

    Like

  10. rosross says:

    Humour is always good although I do wonder about encouraging the belief that age has to be about these sorts of things. What we believe is what we become and as the saying goes, we don’t become decrepit because we age, we age because we become decrepit. 🙂

    Like

  11. T’a mal ou, Victoria? Partout? Hilarious accrostic, especially Pete’s pun!

    Like

  12. claudia says:

    oha…the things life has in store when we get older…yikes…love how you look at them with much humor… i bet that keeps you sane as well…smiles

    Like

  13. vandana says:

    nicely done, but what ever it is there it is true indeed and we have to face it

    Like

  14. Susan says:

    How absolutely fun, how Edward Gorey of you! And true.

    Like

  15. kkkkaty1 says:

    Creative and funny..not sure if I can pick a favorite line..I ordered your book 😉

    Like

  16. rebecca2000 says:

    It’s gotta be tough. I watched my mom die, and grandparents and often the best option is not to think of it. Very creative post.

    x,
    Becca

    Like

  17. hedgewitch says:

    Really fun–until you start to realize how true it all is. ;_) I am relating most to Lulu, but there’s a little of all of it waiting for us all. Nicely crafted, Victoria.

    Like

  18. kaykuala says:

    You don’t really know what the years have in store.
    Zippity do da! Surprises galore!

    Hilarious! You can say that again Victoria! Ever so familiar at this age, ever the conversation piece at gatherings. Exchange of notes so to speak! Nicely!

    Hank

    Like

  19. Turning 70 in a few months, taking handfuls of pills daily, more remembering than doing, but hey, one thing we do not lose, is our poetic expression, keeping the lantern lit in the cortical chute, being challenged by the best in the Universe, the dVerse poetry dogs. Have we ever had the Alphabet Acrostic as a FFA? If not, it’s time has come.

    Like

  20. wolfsrosebud says:

    OK… totally another side of you… funny

    Like

  21. Grace says:

    Not fun in old age but fun to read Victoria ~ Enjoyed the tongue twisting acrostic ~

    Like

  22. Abhra Pal says:

    Bit of humor, bit of sadness – the effect of repetition has come out so nicely.

    Like

  23. Laurie Kolp says:

    An alphabet delight (not so delightful for the people). Loved it, Victoria.

    Like

  24. ManicDdaily says:

    As Bette Davis said–old age is not for sissies! Your group does not seem to include any. A lot of fun, Victoria. (One little typo–I think you want to guy’s knee joints instead of joint.) (Sorry, my job involves proofreading, though I don’t adequately turn the eye on my own things!)

    Thanks much for this sweet and fun contribution. Poor Pete! k.

    Like

  25. brian miller says:

    ha. cool alphabet poem vic…fun allit…a lot more fun than some of the ailments, you know….so this is what i have to look forward to eh? smiles.

    Like

  26. Mary says:

    There certainly are a lot of ailments one can get in the ‘golden years.’ I enjoyed the humor. Ha, I want to keep ailments at bay as long as possible. Smiles.

    Like

  27. Thanks for a bit of levity this evening– I’m so serious sometimes!!! Victoria, I love reading your pieces, you bring a smile to my face. ~peaceful eve, Jason

    Like

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