like a flower of the field we bloom


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communitychickens.com

like a flower of the field we bloom
(adapted from Ps. 103, 15)

i found its feathers ‘neath the birch
beside a rose blood-red.
i’d watched her nest above our porch,
we waited for her brood.

such emptiness that fell that morn,
a weight that crushed my heart—
this life is such a fleeting thing—
a breath, a flame, then dark.

but such is nature’s flawless plan—
we live—too soon we die.
a hawk or owl feeds her young
down by the river’s edge.

Today, I’m hosting Meeting the Bar at dVerse Poets’ Pub. This poem is written using common meter, a form that is easy to write poorly, but which Emily Dickinson used with great success. In the prompt, I’ve listed some of the techniques she used to make it work. I hope you’ll stop by to learn her secrets, then give them a try with a poem of your own. The doors open at 12:00 EDT.

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48 thoughts on “like a flower of the field we bloom

  1. lynn__ says:

    Your poem really feels and sounds like Emily D! I’ve been busy (son’s wedding, father visiting) but may try this prompt later…

    Liked by 1 person

  2. As my Aunt lives into her mid 90’s a smile comes to A face with bright eyes.. that says i am ready for the next adventure.. to aim high with lofty purpose and meaning in life.. can be to stay high.. as long as one is feet above instead of feet below.. or as ashes of feathers.. of what could of been then.. I could see she truly felt that Joy at 94.. crippled staggering.. to move at all.. the joy lives within.. and no one can defeat a joyful soul.. always looking forward to now.. and never afraid of the darkness of tomorrow.. yes.. rare.. but a beautiful flower of any age.. when blooming a soul inside.. and the feathers of death can be a treasure in reminder that life lives best.. as fully alive.. as possible.. in all potentials THAT entails.. of birds who fly alive with feathers.. floating in a breeze.. of NOW..:)

    Liked by 1 person

    • My mom is 94–she has dementia but knows me and is so happy and grateful, loving life such as it is. But that’s how she lived.

      Liked by 1 person

      • And truly is more fortunate than many a quarter of her age.. And the challenge of life without disability is life without being functionally disabled by organized deceit witting or not.. As culture.. Including religions.. When I lose my emotions nothing matters as death in life.. And alway now I exercise that muscle of Love moreover all else in so-called standard IQ points.. As fostered my culture..:)

        Like

  3. kanzensakura says:

    The subject is so Emily and the style is spot on. Such a sad story and such a real part of life. Beautifully written. and thank you again for this prompt.

    Like

  4. wolfsrosebud says:

    the piece was beautiful… i so loved the story behind it

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Sabio Lantz says:

    Fascinating.
    (1) the slant rhyme in first verse abac, instead of baca, second verse generic, no rhyme in last verse. Contrast obvious tool well played
    (2) The dark but beautiful together
    (3) The nature theme — though I must say, I certainly don’t view Nature as having a flawless plan. I am all about subverting her plan the best we can. 🙂

    Great end line.
    Thanks

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Misky says:

    Oh dear. So short a life but continued well in your writing.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Sumana Roy says:

    “but such is nature’s flawless plan— / we live—too soon we die.”…so true…a stellar write Victoria…

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Candy says:

    This is a beauty!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. This is flawless… I’m guilty of not living in the moment, my head overflows with fears of how soon things will end

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Bryan Ens says:

    His eye is on the sparrow…even when it falls. A beautiful poem for such a sad event.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Sanaa Rizvi says:

    but such is nature’s flawless plan—
    we live—too soon we die.

    Such beautiful and deep meaningful lines 😀
    Well penned!

    Lots of love,
    Sanaa

    Liked by 1 person

  12. After reading this, I fear I’ve done it poorly. This is wonderfully haunting but so true. The circle of life is never ending, but couldn’t be without death. Peace, Linda

    Liked by 1 person

  13. MarinaSofia says:

    You are a natural at this, Victoria – the subject, the turn in the poem, using nature as inspiration, the almost rhymes – perfect. I liked the prompt but I have to admit it wasn’t the easiest one for me…

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Mary says:

    I also must say I really admire your skill with common meter!

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Grace says:

    I specially admire this part Victoria:

    this life is such a fleeting thing—
    a breath, a flame, then dark.

    So I went to reading Emily’s poems again and its dazzling to appreciate her cadence ~ Thanks for the education ~

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Gabriella says:

    You did very well, Victoria. I agree that the form looks deceptively easy and yet it is not. I particularly like the shift at the end which changes the way we look at what took place.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Mary says:

    Really, this is a stunning poem, Victoria. I totally understand the sadness that you felt when the feathers were found…especially since you had sort of gotten to know this little creature in your midst. Life definitely is fleeting for all of us, but when we see such a stark reminder it hurts!

    Liked by 1 person

    • It is true. We have hawks and coyotes here and in the desert so, sadly, the reminders are quite abundant. Every year the ducks on the water outside our place have 13 or so babies and by the end of the season there are only a few. :0( But then, I hate to think what it would be like without the balance of nature.

      Like

  18. Glenn Buttkus says:

    Your poetics & message are sterling, & your prompt challenge is excellent, leaving lots of latitude to write “in the style of ED”; studying her work, one notices slant rhyme, ABCA schemes, caps at the beginnings of each lines, slashes versus comas/punctuation, usually 4 stanzas of 4 quatrains, & caps within lines. All an undiscovered country for me, but great fun to tackle. Even her use of common meter varied as to syllable count.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Shawna says:

    Oh, no. This is so sad! 😦

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Yes, it is the way of nature..the cycle and all of that, but still it’s sad. Why aren’t we ever happy for the predator who gets to eat?

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Jamie Dedes says:

    Well done.

    At some point, I think, we must just accept that things are as they should be . . .

    Hope this day finds you well, Victoria.

    Liked by 1 person

  22. The inevitable cycle of nature can be cruel, but it makes for beautiful poetry. Your gentle half rhymes avoid the singsong quality which so often marrs poems in this metre.

    Liked by 1 person

  23. X says:

    I like the change in the last two lines. It is like a zoom out from the philosophy to real life. Like how even though we are caught in the cycle we are of life and death, we choose life. Because otherwise we would be consumed with endings, as if it were a stray thread, which when pulled unravels our clothes.

    Hopefully you will forgive me for not joining in today.

    Liked by 1 person

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