Good Friday Dirge

Artist: Lesley Oldaker
Labeled for noncommercial reuse

Good Friday Dirge
an Octain Refrain

Upon the pond a cry of loons
begins its mournful, plaintive song.
I think of how it all went wrong.

Darkness still reigns ‘neath this full moon,
this early morn a mood forlorn
recalling loss, a cross rough-hewn.

And now in Belgium, hatred strong
prolongs the tragic cries of loons.

Written and Posted for my prompt at dVerse Poets Meeting the Bar. The form, developed by Luke Prater, is a High Octain, which I explain at dVerse. Tomorrow, Christians observe Good Friday as we deal with yet another tragic, cowardly act of terrorism. Because I was unable to join in for De’s prompt on Tuesday, I’ve given a nod to it here. Thank you for a great inspiration, De. I had no idea where that first line would take me.

Andante–Prompt Nights

Wikipedia Commons: Mozart

andante
high octain

adagio thoughts inhabit me
beside the mountains or the shore
i live for music, nothing more

alone and aimless though i be
i play the blues and drink my booze
then jazz it up to vivace

when morning comes, i toss the score
adagio thoughts return to me

adagio thoughts conquer me
gravissimo my spirit’s core
i leave my music at the door

though from myself i hope to flee
i find my muse in nature’s clues
a gift of music sets me free

once more allow melodic roar
as dolce thoughts come back to me.

Musical Notations:

andante–moderate
adagio–slow
vivace–lively
gravissimo—most grave
dolce–sweet

This is a poem I wrote a few years back that I am linking to Sanaa Rizvi’s Prompt Nights where the theme is MUSIC. The form, developed by Luke Prater, is a High Octane.

Radical Surgery

A thoracic surgeon performs a mitral valve replacement at the Fitzsimons Army Medical Center. Slovenščina: Kirurgi med operacijo. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Radical Surgery
Octain

The day I diagnosed your treachery,
excised deception from my fragile life,
I cauterised my heart, scrubbed clean of strife.

How to assess what you have done to me?
the lies you told, emotions cold,
anesthetized my longing to be free.

I close the wound incised with your dull knife,
Debride my feelings of your treachery.

Written for today’s Poetics at dVerse Poets’ Pub in which we are asked by the incomparable Karin Gustafson to choose active verbs from one profession and apply them to a completely different scenario. I’ve chosen to use Luke Prater’s Octain form. Check out his site to learn more about it.

And…I suspect I’m not the only one out there who’s dated a sociopath?

“The End”–for dVerse Poetics

The End

No words to speak—none needed now.
Your body emanates disdain,
brusque movements tell your love was feigned.

Outside our window, on a bough,
a blackbird caws, dark winter thaws,
as does the meaning of our vows.

Empty expressions, pulsing pain,
no words to say what’s needed now.

This week at dVerse Poetics, Sheila Moore http://shewriting.blogspot.com/ the opportunity to write about silent movies. I chose a drama that occurs, all too often, on and off the screen. The form is an Octain, developed by Luke Prater http://lukepraterswordsalad.com/.

Stop by the pub, go back in time, and enjoy some great poetry about those silent films: http://dversepoets.com

Thanks you Sheila…and Luke, for the form.

Happily Never After

Image by Kay Gaensler via Flickr

Don’t miss today’s post at dVerse Poetry Pub http://dversepoets.com/  Luke Prater and Julie Watkins host an enlightening conversation about writing to important themes and invite us to post a poem for constructive critique. Such a great opportunity to grow as poets!

Happily Never After

Grandpa Ed struck a claim in Gold Country
when he was seventy-one years old.
Twenty-two years later he lost his vision
and his driver’s license.
Nobody had time to drive him anywhere
so he sold his red Ford pickup and died.

Mom met with us kids,
to explain how they’d freeze her body
and put her in the same hole as daddy.
She’d get to be on top for a change.
The surprise happened a few months later
when we buried my sister instead.

Last month in the desert, a pair of mourning
doves awakened me too early every morning.
Their cries reminded me of all I couldn’t have.
The last day I saw a mound of gray feathers
in a grove of trees. A rainbow filled the overcast sky while
the crow in a low-hanging branch looked satisfied.

Today I sat across from my friend at lunch.
She told me her husband was in a wheel chair now
and asked about
the early symptoms of dementia.
“You better get Power of Attorney,” I told her.
“Everyone who needs it has a copy of mine.”

It won’t be long now, I’m afraid,
before we have to put the dog down.

Don’t miss today’s post at dVerse Poetry Pub http://dversepoets.com/  Luke Prater and Julie Watkins host an enlightening conversation about writing to important themes and invite us to post a poem for constructive critique. Such a great opportunity to grow as poets!

Wordsmith Wednesday–Writing Critique Groups

(If you’ve come to visit my poem at dVerse Poets Pub, check out the previous post: “Goodbye, Copernicus”)

Since the first writing conference I attended (2004, I believe) I have been involved in writing critique groups. It was for that conference that my work was first accepted for work-shopping and I was sure that I had arrived. A published author led the two-day process and there were about nine of us who submitted work to the other members of the group for critique. It became a turning point for me as a writer. I came to accept the fact that my novel was not quite as brilliant as I perceived it to be.

A few of us from that group went on to meet on a regular basis. Since then I’ve participated in several other critique groups. Here are a few things I’ve learned that have been helpful (in my opinion and from my hands-on experience).

• Don’t submit your work before you’ve finished the first draft. It is important for you to have a clear idea of your story line before opening it to critique.
• As a group, decide on guidelines at your first meeting. How many members will you have? Will you submit your writing before the meeting? Will you read work aloud at the meeting? How many manuscripts/how many pages will you discuss?
• Be sure to balance your positive and negative feedback. Your goal is to build up one another, not destroy. One time a fellow-writer told me, “I would never read this novel.” That discouraged me to the point that I gave up working on it for a few months until I figured out that she was trying to tell me that the prologue was a turn-off.
• Give specific advice. For example, instead of saying “This moves too slowly,” try something like “Consider using active verbs instead of passive voice,” or “That long sentence drags down the narrative–maybe if you wrote that paragraph in a few clipped phrases it would be more suspenseful.” Avoid general statements such as, “That just doesn’t work.”
• Learn to listen to suggestions without trying to defend yourself. One group that I have been a part of had set the rule of “silence” until all critiques had been given. But take good notes while you listen. I bring a copy of my manuscript and jot down helpful advice in the columns.
• Understand the differences between genres. If you write literary fiction, for example, don’t expect the same complexity of characters from your friend who writes sci-fi. And visa versa.
• Don’t revise immediately after your meeting, except for grammatical and spelling errors. Definitely do not make significant plot changes. Remember, your story is YOUR story.
• At the same time, be open to suggestion. My writing has been much enriched by plot twists or questions posed by members of my critique groups. Ask clarifying questions if needed.
• There is a time for critique and a time to write. Understand what works best for you and realize that your needs change at different points in the writing process.
• And finally, be grateful to your fellow writers. It was through this process that I have met some of my dearest friends. Don’t forget to celebrate one another’s successes!

I apologise for the re-post but since I’m deep in the editing process for my publisher, I need to use some time efficiency tools.

For today’s discussion, I’d like to ask you to share your experience of the critique process. Any anecdotes? Does your critique group have rules? Do you have suggestions or advice that I haven’t mentioned here?

I’d like to invite those of you who have been a part of the poetry critique at dVerse Poets Pub to let us know how that’s worked for you. If you do write poetry and have never visited this exciting new community, please stop by at http://dversepoets.com  On Thursday, Luke Prater will host Meeting the Bar: Critique and Craft but today you can join Open Link Night. Hope to see you there.

Because

Image by KM&G-Morris via Flickr

Luke Prater is hosting Meeting the Bar: Critique and Craft at dVerse Poet’s Pub: http://dversepoets.com/  We invite you to link up a poem of yours for some expert critique. Luke discusses eliminating redundancy, tightening up those words so that they deliver the message more effectively. Be sure to read his masterful instructions. I chose this poem that never quite worked for me and immediately saw a problem: everywhere I’ve written “because” I had “Partly because…” Yikes. Talk about unnecessary adverbs. Anyhoo, join up. You won’t be sorry.

Because

it barely had a taste of life,
sipping nectar from the Carolina Jasmine
or our feeder (once or twice)
before the hawk swept in,
leaving behind only a few feathers.

Because I had waited, watched
the mother sit upon a tiny egg
within a tiny nest sheltered in the
prickly branches of a
crimson Bougainvillea.

Because she hovers just
outside my window,
lingers nearby in case her little one
returns. Because of that, I grieve.

Wordsmith Wednesday–A Potpourri of Thoughts about Poetry

While Wordsmith Wednesday tends to focus on fiction writing, from time-to-time I find it compelling to write an article about poetry. This is because many of the people who visit my blog are from the poetry communities I participate in, but even more so because poetry is the handmaiden of superb writing, whatever the genre.

For today’s post, I would like to reflect on a few reminders that can serve poets as well as fiction, or for that matter, non-fiction writers.

• Don’t shy away from poetic forms. The discipline of adhering to prescribed forms such as those that define rhyme, meter and syllable count can serve as an aid when you run up against a brick wall. I turn to a haiku, an etheree, a quatrain, tercet or any number of “recipes” for writing when it seems as though my muse has gone into hibernation. This has never failed to help me jump-start my writing. There are a number of Internet references to teach you about form. Try Luke Prater’s Word Salad at http://lukepraterswordsalad.com/
• Write quickly but revise with care. Poetry deserves the same careful attention as prose. Often, words and ideas rush in at you and it pays to jot them down as they come. First drafts of poems will often pour out in mere minutes. I’ve dragged myself out of bed in the middle of the night and jotted down almost-illegible epics that I don’t recognize in the morning. But then the work begins. I once read about a poet who excused himself from a writing conference because he had to revise a poem. He returned hours later and when asked how it had gone told his colleagues that he spent a few hours before deleting a comma and then, a few hours later, added it back in. I hope my days will be a bit more productive than that, but you get the point. I belong to an online poetry critique group and the advice I receive is invaluable. But, as with fiction, remember that you have the final say.
• Sensory details make your writing come alive. Many beginning poets use their craft to probe emotion, to champion causes, and to express their opinions. Indeed, these are functions of poetry. But to be more effective, it behooves you to pepper your writing with devices such as metaphors or similes that employ those delicious sensory observations that you have picked up in the course of a day. I strongly suggest that you keep your senses, all of them, on high alert and then in the evening, take a few moments to jot down a dozen or so things you remember in your writing journal. You will be amazed at the inspiration you can cull from this exercise–for poetry or fiction.
• Don’t quit your day job. Most likely you will not get rich selling poetry. You will not find an agent to represent your tome or make the NYT’s best seller list. You will find joy in the writing process. You’ll find that your prose takes on a literary quality whatever genre you dabble in and you can build up a platform for marketing your work if you engage in Internet poetry communities. There are a myriad of these that invite both seasoned and budding poets to post their work. A few of my favorites include Poetry Potluck: http://jinglepoetry.blogspot.com/; One Stop Poetry: http://onestoppoetry.com/ and Poetic Asides: http://blog.writersdigest.com/poeticasides/  All of these sites offer prompts and a forum to post or link your work. I also post a writing prompt on Monday morning which invites both poetry and short fiction.

Andante–One Stop Poetry

Photo: Walter Parada

I am linking this to One Stop Poetry for both One Shoot Sunday where the prompt is inspired by the photography of Walter Parada and One Stop Form. Today’s form is the high octain, created by Luke Prater. 

http://onestoppoetry.com

andante
high octain

adagio thoughts inhabit me
beside the mountains or the shore
i live for music, nothing more

alone and aimless though i be
i play the blues and drink my booze
then jazz it up to vivace

when morning comes, i toss the score
adagio thoughts return to me

adagio thoughts conquer me
gravissimo my spirit’s core
i leave my music at the door

though from myself i hope to flee
i find my muse in nature’s clues
a gift of music sets me free

once more allow melodic roar
as dolce thoughts come back to me.

Musical Notations:

andante–moderate
adagio–slow
vivace–lively
gravissimo—most grave
dolce–sweet

Untitled Octain–One Shot Wednesday

Image via Wikipedia

Here’s another attempt at an Octain, a poetic form created by Luke Prater and linked to One Shot Wednesday: http://onestoppoetry.com/

Untitled Octain

How many lives are spent in vain,
too conscious of the voice of fear,
thoughts muddled so that sight’s unclear.

They creep through days avoiding pain
or, warped by hate, they learn too late
to trust that love should ever deign

to visit them and draw them near.
Too many lives are spent in vain.