Cherry tree (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
If you’ve stopped by to read Five Sentence Fiction, it’s the previous post.
Trapped
Two frenzied robins caught
within the web of netting
wrapped ‘round our cherry tree,
brushing branches with weary wings.
(Blushing fruit extended invitations
too tempting to ignore.)
We watch a moment, worry.
Have we woven unintended consequences?
Why, we wonder, did they choose this tree
and not the one we left for them—
for nourishment of nature’s gifts
bestowing beauty in our yard?
A gentle lifting of the fringe
frees flight once more.
The pair alights upon the other branch and feasts.
I’m not sure I’ve accomplished the correct form for the Triversen prompt posted by the very gifted Gay Reiser Cannon at dVerse Critique and Craft, but I am grateful that I’ve written something new as my poetic muse has been “trapped” these last few weeks. Thank you, Gay, for the wonderful, instructive prompt. I hope many of you will stop by the Pub to enjoy some poetry and, perhaps, contribute something of your own.
Vivid images of nurture and nature and – yes – a lovely sense of freedom from entrapment. Relief.
I like the image of the robins caught and being freed in the cherry tree ~ Lovely form as well ~
a mediation on parenthood..
So many of these(including mine) have been about nature, and yours is a very subtle one where the intersection of human and nature is a mirror of choice and control, help and hindrance…I like it very much, Victoria, and the simple structure of the form works great here.
Nice one ! They must of thought the fruit you saved for yourself was sweeter
The cherries here now are beautiful too.
http://planetcyberluz.com/2012/06/15/valencia-triversen/
even the birds go for the forbidden fruit first. Well done.
The frenzied get caught in the fray. Lovely poem. k.
There was a lot to get your head around in this challenge. You caught more of it than I did – and got a first class poem out of it. Well done.
Lovely write… Beautifully done!
Beautiful – I think you have used the form brilliantly
It sometimes amazes me what the confines of form can do to wake up my muse. This is a strong write. I love the story of the robins, and will carry the image of their struggle and freedom with me.
Regardless of whether you feel you achieved the writing of a Triversen in your own opinion, this is a beautiful piece of imagery and it has to be applauded. Clap clap clap.
So happy they caught on! I loved the whole portrayal.
Sounds like a delightful thing to watch along with some curiousness.
I can’t judge the form, but I really like the poem! Very vivid and great imagery!
I really enjoy your nature themed writes, Victoria..this was no exception. It served the form well I thought.
Beautifully imagistic composition. I agree with Gay, no mention was needed at all of the metaphor! Well-executed, with a naturalistic poem layered over the subtle symbolism.
Our softfruit is ripening and we have to net the raspberries. Always worries me for the cheeky blackbirds Our robins over here are more interested in worms [and cheese] than in fruit. Like your riches of assimilation.
Very touching and well crafted. I didn’t immediately go toward parenting, but observing statements and creations of our own being, but still, a very clever write.
glad to hear the dizziness passed as well…
glad that you looked out for them…i think sometimes temptation gets the best of us….and nature…despite the circumstances…but if you come out and i am stuck under the net (because i love cherries) please let me out as well…haha…nice form ma’am
Delightful! Perhaps it is your care with all the devices that made this so compelling. I stood with you watching, worrying, relieved when the birds hopped to the feast. And why do they, we, first check the no fly zone? I don’t know.
I could wax rapturously about this. I think the metaphor is clearly about parenting and as Williams would have said – “you didn’t have to even mention it at all”. Beautiful use of assimilation, and the sense of care and protection filter through each stanza, each stress a heartbeat in every line. Again what is more novel and more modern than writing who you are and from the heart.