Submitted to Big Tent Poetry–http://bigtentpoetry.org/ where this week’s prompt is to write a how-to poem and is focused around food. Since I did manage to marry a man who does 99% of the cooking, I thought of this. On our second date, David prepared an incredible rack of lamb and was very happy when, instead of being dainty, I grabbed the bone and cleaned it. Last night for our 20th anniversary, he cooked a rack of lamb!
How to Nab a Husband Who Cooks
There’s just a few pointers I’d like to share
if a gourmet cook you’d like to snare.
Survey the aisles of your super mart
for a man who’s alone and who looks the part
of someone who eats just a little more
than he should. Follow him throughout the store.
Ask a question, “Do you know just how to cook
a rack of lamb?” (then a pleading look)
“I’m out on my own now and up till now
my cooking was simple, I don’t know how
to prepare anything that’s not in a box
or frozen stiff or stirred in a wok.”
Then listen intently to the words he speaks,
your eyes wide open, a blush on your cheeks
and with a deep sigh, wipe away a tear.
“Do you think I’m silly–I have such fear
that I’ll surely ruin this beautiful meat—
maybe it’s better I go out to eat.”
Then stop (and hope and pray) and wait
to see if he’s open to taking the bait.
And if things proceed like you wish they might
soon enough he’ll invite you to dinner some night
to sample his prowess in the chefly domain
and see if his craft is worth the champagne
that you brought to toast the auspicious event.
If you find that all else is one hundred percent
to show that you’re pleased with his culinary skill
gnaw on that lamb bone—it will give him a thrill.
Congratulations, Victoria! Hey-hey-hey–it’s beginning!
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Liv2Write, I would like to feature this poem in either November or December on my Poetic License series. Once a month I post great poetry that I find by searching blogs such as yours. If you allow me to use your poem, you will get full credit and a link back to your site.
Three times a year I will also be combining the previous four months into one large magazine style post. If you don’t mind please let me know. If you would like to see an example, the first magazine issue of the last trimester of 2010 was posted on January 6th (http://morningerection.wordpress.com/2011/01/06/the-new-tri-annual-poetic-license-magazine/) with the poems from Sept-Dec of 2010.
Here is the link to the January Poetic License (http://morningerection.wordpress.com/2011/01/03/poetic-license-5/) if you would like to see it before you decide. Thank you for your consideration, regardless of your decision.
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Go for it, Tom. I saw you have some excellent poets in the January edition and I would consider it an honor to be among them.
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Thanks, I added it to the October 3rd post and it will appear again in January 2012. I am honored that you have allowed me to feature your poetry.
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oh ho- so that’s how it’s done! so-when’s dinner? Lamb sounds divine!
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What a fabulous romp!!
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You are featured here, Victoria!
http://jinglepoetry.blogspot.com/2011/01/sunday-rally-dispatch-11232011.html
Thank you! Happy Sunday …
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Sound advice–and so much fun!
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this is one of the funniest poems i have ever read!!!!!
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The only thing about cooking that I ever bragged to my beloved Sandra was my world-class omelette. Always focus on breakfast, I say. Talk to her about it all night long. Well, mostly all night anyway. Yeah, this food-as-come-on is a two-way street, sister.
Well done.
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I’m smiling!!!
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I enjoyed it!
nutty nuts
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Oh my, this is brilliant, sly, sublime and tasty. All the way around, I like this a lot.
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OK, were you Dr. Seuss in a previous life? I don’t know the poetry word, but in my mind the rhythm of this preciously funny poem is like Dr. Suess.
Maybe I should hang out more in grocery stores?
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i loved this — “instead of being dainty, I grabbed the bone” — in the introduction, and i was so glad to see it appear in the poem! gnaw ….
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Indeed – a winner all the way around!
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Loved the poem–glad all else was 100%
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lovely,
you are blessed.
enjoy the love and delicious treat right at home with the man you love…
yummy life.
Happy Friday!
😉
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You are a fortunate and lucky lass. My first date with my wife was in her kitchen where I cooked her a roast, with all the trimmings and a steam pudding. Twenty-five years later, I still do most of the cooking. We traveled the US for Kraft as the Kraft Traveling Cooking School and she was the star. Go figure! I thoroughly enjoyed your poem. Tell your man congratulations on his ability to snare (with lamb) such a talented poet. P.S.- We lived in Reno on McClarin (sp?) Blvd. in 1997.
Regards,
Don
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I love it. The world is so small after all. We live just off of McCarran and have been there since 1993 but now spend winter in warmer climes. Thanks for the comment, Donald.
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Well lucky you Victoria. This was so much fun to read. I am sure you enjoyed writing it.
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It was fun. Thanks, Pamela
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Perfecto !! I wish i can get such a man 1 I would love so much to together cook a meal or more 😉
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Just go shopping!
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Fortunate you. If you ran across someone like my husband, you might have been given an informative lecture on where to go to find the information, but rack of lamb? Nope.
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He’s good at that too. Thanks for stopping by, briarcat.
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I agree, sometimes its just about fun and that is what I felt throughout your poem. Could see you grinning with every word. And I was grinning right along with you,
Elizabeth
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Exactly.
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Clever advice… and very important, too… foot massages another must.
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I did have one blind date with a massage therapist, but it bombed. Too much baggage. :0)
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I really enjoyed this poem! I was cracking up all of the way through! Thanks for sharing this!
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Thank you, Jeanne.
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This was fun. Enjoyed it very much. I like it that the images of facial expressions are easily imagined.
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Glad you enjoyed it, Jade
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Great fun! I have a man who cooks – or did, when he was well – as a woman of hearty appetites, I married wisely 🙂
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That’s what it’s all about. Be happy.
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Absolutely darling. I can just picture it. Well done – in poem and in marriage. 🙂
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Thanks, Jamie. Like everyone, though, it’s not all rack of lamb. :0)
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it takes time and effort to learn to cook to perfection … and perfection isn’t really the litmus test, is it? 😀
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Bravo Victoria. Mine makes great soup and a fair bacon and egg, but that’s about it. Why didn’t I think of lurking by the meat counter in Leclerc?
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Soup is good in the cold climes of Normandie! Happy weekend.
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Whooohooo, how lucky are you…just loved this Victoria!! Fun!! oxo
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Thanks, Amanda. That’s what it was supposed to be.
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You’re a lucky woman having someone to cook for you. I cook perfect but I don’t really like doing it, and yes finding someone else to do that for you is a great idea. The poem was fun. Happy anniversary too!
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I am blessed…but I have to clean up and he uses an awful lot of pots and pans. :0)
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Well there’s nothing and nobody perfect as they say :), but still it’s a big help the cooking!
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Loved this fun poem, Victoria! Charming and witty and sounds like good advice too. 🙂 xoxo
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It was fun to write…even if packed with cliche and maybe not-perfect meter. Oh well. Sometimes it’s just about fun.
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