Today at dVerse Poetics, Brian Miller invites us to embrace anarchy and break the rules of form poetry. I chosen to play with a hybrid of Haiku and the American Sentence by writing 7 17-syllable 2-line stanzas that flow from one another, on a connected topic. I love the brevity of the original form, so why not knit them together?!
Desert Sunrise
Circling slowly, egret rises—
greeting morning sun’s awakening.
Helios smiles on him, backlights his dance
with the silver glow of grace.
Bird lands beside a quiet pond,
drinking in the stillness of placid waters,
wraps his wings around his body like a shroud—
a hooded monk in prayer.
Sun splashes desert rose
upon the canvas of the Santa Rosa’s
casting deep shadows on her creviced face,
pouring into our valley
I know that at day’s end, when darkness falls,
some wait for morning in vain.
Photo: schmoker.com
Victoria C. Slotto, Author 
You write well, I hope to read more of your posts.
thumbs up!
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The poem is so breathtakingly vivid and lovely. Then that last sentence gives me a whole different vibe–an eerie sense that some of those lovely, carefree birds are in danger. Way to throw your reader off balance, V!
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mountain peaks and river valley, that’s magic form of poetry.
happy new year.
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Beautiful and peaceful words, Victoria. Mother Nature is always inspiring and we are blessed to see each morning..
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Your desert scene is very pretty. Can you tell me where the photo was made. Also, please check out my blog, you might like my post, “I Have A Dream.” Please have a blessed day.
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I like the stillness you create here… just want to read this poem again & again. .. beautiful!
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Seven 17 syllable stanza lines; audacious & cool. The second one resonated with me, & the fifth one popped out too. You had fun with this, & yet real intense deep poetics emerged as well; nice job.
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nice…love the bird by the water….you make him reflective and then turn him into a monk….the end rings heavy calling us to that same reflection perhaps….
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That last line really seals it.
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you had me caught up in the content and I didn’t notice the form… nice
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Your form holds it all together beautifully! There’s a time for everything…and a hint of the holy everywhere.
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You know, there’s a kind of vanity about all creatures and an “in vain-ness” about their efforts. A lovely and thoughtful picture, Victoria. Hope all well for you. k.
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this poem is a meditation; complete stillness is reached.
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A lovely poem, though it ends on a sad note.
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Oh I like this Victoria, the flow of images that are poems in themselves yet connected like the beads on a necklace to form a narrative.. to me it is new yet lies on sold poetic ground like ghazal or renga. The line with desert rose and santa rosa popped out for me.
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What a lovely comment, Bjorn.
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I love the image of the bird wrapping his wings, a hooded monk in prayer & also love the way you have personified the sun. And yes, at some point, there will become a time for all of us when the sun will go down and it will not rise again… Very nicely ‘poemed,’ Victoria.
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Such beautiful visions you’ve created! This is another one I might play with too, some time.
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I’m fascinated by your form break on this one. Very clever.
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I love the idea of breaking the American Sentence into two lines ~ And such a beautiful capture of the sunrise Victoria ~ I would love to see those egrets, a monk in prayer~
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Oh, I agree with Claudia and can’t say it any better. This is lovely and the ending not sad but soothing.
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Lovely, peaceful images of stillness, Victoria – and then the reminder that for some, that stillness will nevef be broken again.
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Of course, haiku purists will say: if it’s a series of haikus meant to be read together, then does it still have the haiku spirit? So that’s the break with tradition right there.
This to me feels more solemn, grave, elegiac than a haiku. It’s not that moment of suprise and quick insight, more of a gradual dawning. Beautiful!
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Lovely poem. It has a wonderful flow.
-heidi
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This could be a song. It flows so nicely and it seems like we were kind of on a similar wave length when it came to writing about nature today.
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Beautiful poem, Victoria. I am fond of egrets. They are stately, elegant and exquisite in flight. You capture that delicacy and the frailty of life itself in a backdrop of light and color. Love the connection of the 17 syllable couplets. I have used haiku as stanzas in a few poems. I think it is very satisfying just as yours are here. Good to be reading you again.
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a lot of beauty in the images but also the nod to that nothing is forever… reads like a prayer a bit…
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